Finding Some Way Of Letting Go

So I have this certain relative, X, who developed a severe drinking problem a few years ago. (Which is why I no longer touch the stuff. Once I saw exactly what kind of damage alcohol could do to someone's soul—and I use the word soul not body deliberately--the idea of a glass of wine made my skin crawl.) When confronted about the alcohol abuse and the damage it was doing to everyone around her, X tried to commit suicide. Thank god unsuccessfully. But that attempt left noticeable and lasting damage. Three and a half years later she’s still not the same. Still, I get lulled into thinking she’s better and there’s nothing wrong with her. And every time I do, there’s this snakebite vein of meanness that boils up in her. I react badly. She apologizes and sort of crumbles into this sad person I never even knew she had inside her until the intervention. I feel guilty--such a bad relative! She has a sickness. Things settle. Then a couple months later we begin anew. A weird cycle that I have no clue how to break out of.

I realized today during this anusara yoga class I take at Yoga People that that cycle likely would continue as long as X lives. And since I don’t want to cut X out of my life—I love her, you see—I have to learn to step aside emotionally whenever I feel the ground trembling with the approach of her inner demons. I don’t know how I’m going to manage to do that, but if I don’t figure out some way I doubt my relationship with her will survive.