Monday, March 31, 2008

What I'm Left With

So things have steadily gotten better since my last post. My body has completely healed and my emotions are no longer on that cathartic roller coaster they were on in the days that followed the miscarriage. And this past weekend? I caught myself feeling happy more often than not. (Now mind you, I'm still finding myself bawling at commercials and TV shows and the general uncertainty of life but those tears dry quickly and don't seem to impede my general well-being.... Like a flash rainstorm in early summer.)

But I've done a lot of soul searching over the last 21 days and I've discovered that there are four things I absolutely believe. They include:

1. There is no God.
2. Happiness is a choice we make and entirely independent of the actual circumstances of our lives.
3. The energy--positive or negative--that we put out into this world always gets returned to us...
4. What we believe about ourselves is infinitely more important than what's actually true.

I know it may sound strange--especially to those of you who believe in one of the Big Three religions (Islam; Christianity; Judaism)--but these four beliefs give me an enormous amount of comfort and joy...

And now? Just you watch. This Spring I''ll be a phoenix rising out of her own ashes. This new Minerva Jane will be stronger and more beautiful than she ever was before.

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Blogger Liz said...

I have been looking for a post from you every day - not with any expectation, just kind of a "checking in". I was sure you would come back, and I was hoping that you would return with new strength. It seems that you have, more than I had even hoped!

I liked your 4 beliefs, and I am in agreement with all of them. I have considered the "God" issue so often, and even though I use the word God, what I really mean is the Universe, not an all-Supreme being who dictates our fate. I, too, believe that fate is in your own hands, as well as happiness. You articulate this very well.

I love the last one, about what believing in yourself. THAT is a higher power. And that is something that I can put energy and faith into.

Great post, glad to see you here again, and as always, my biggest hugs and good wishes. You are awesome!

6:32 PM  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...

it's so good to see you back, mj.

you've been in my thoughts a lot. and while i can't deny that your number one makes me sad and i wholeheartedly disagree... i'm so happy that you're finding comfort and joy again.

i know you don't believe in it, but i'm going to keep praying for you. so know that you're at least in my thoughts regularly :)

5:34 PM  

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