Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Three Years Ago Today...

...Rod and I got married. Out in the woods. In the Poconos.

Calling today our anniversary, though, has been a little weird for me. I mean, we've been together for about 9 and a half years, living together for 8 and, as far as we both were concerned, more committed than most married couples way before he even thought about proposing.

But god that was a great day. At dusk. In the woods.

And it serves as a potent reminder (there are even photos!) that we did renew that commitment in front of family and friends for better and worse.

(See how I did that? Better and worse... Because both will certainly come your way and the true test of a relationship is how well you weather this roller coaster together.)

Those of you who know us personally know that Rod and I have been through some dark times. Our extended family networks are littered with a painful divorce that left one member irreparably wounded, psychotic episodes & lingering drug addiction, depression & attempted suicide, alcoholism... During our poor writer days in rural Virginia we lived on next to nothing and spent a lot of time worrying about how we were going to make it. What was going to become of us. And the move to NY was also frightening--a jump to a city where Rod had to confront the demons of his past and I found myself in a strange city surrounded by his family and friends with none of my own.

But we're managed to surf our way over these rises and falls and today finally find ourselves in a good place financially without having had to sacrifice the artist's life we both want. Together still. And even though we do still fight (full of high drama and passion) there's no one else I want to spend my life with, no one else I want to grow old with, no one else I can even imagine having children with. No one else.

I love him more than he even really knows. Not despite his flaws, but because of them.

I do have some advice for anyone taking the plunge, though. Don't ever lie to each other, even if you think you're sparing the other's feelings; keep your extended families and their problems at arm's length and their needs secondary to that of the marriage; have at least one hobby you share, and finally: be kind. To yourself and to your partner. Because a little kindness goes further than you' d ever think possible.

Happy 3rd, Roddy.


Blogger Phillip said...

Happy anniversary you two!

12:07 PM  
Blogger Martha Elaine Belden said...


what a beautiful tribute to your relationship. thanks for sharing :)

3:55 PM  
Blogger Red said...

Happy belated wedding anniversary, MJ and Rod!

It all sounds like really good advice, especially the bit about "keeping your extended family's problems at arm's length". God knows, if we were to let them, our families' issues would swallow us up in one gulp and belch us out!

Hope you had a great day!

8:49 AM  

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