When Guilt Becomes Your Dirty Little Secret
Last Tuesday I went to a yoga class for the first time since MAS was born.
In some ways it felt really good--to be stretching and moving unencumbered by that sweet babyweight. In other ways it felt terrible: I've pretty much lost all upper body strength and my legs are stiffer than stiff.
And? Something weird happened.
As I was rousing from savasana and gathering my stuff together for the trek home this voice--clearly my own; I wasn't "hearing" voices--piped up inside my mind and said, "Oh, so are you finally ready to forgive yourself?"
The voice wasn't angry or heavy handed. Mostly just curious.
And me? I too was curious. I stood for a few seconds frozen in place, waiting to hear what my response was going to be. (Again, an inside response. I sure as shit wasn't going to be caught talking out loud to myself. I save that sort of craziness for home.)
I'm still waiting actually. So: what's it gonna be Minerva Jane? Curious minds wanna know.
Last Tuesday I went to a yoga class for the first time since MAS was born.
In some ways it felt really good--to be stretching and moving unencumbered by that sweet babyweight. In other ways it felt terrible: I've pretty much lost all upper body strength and my legs are stiffer than stiff.
And? Something weird happened.
As I was rousing from savasana and gathering my stuff together for the trek home this voice--clearly my own; I wasn't "hearing" voices--piped up inside my mind and said, "Oh, so are you finally ready to forgive yourself?"
The voice wasn't angry or heavy handed. Mostly just curious.
And me? I too was curious. I stood for a few seconds frozen in place, waiting to hear what my response was going to be. (Again, an inside response. I sure as shit wasn't going to be caught talking out loud to myself. I save that sort of craziness for home.)
I'm still waiting actually. So: what's it gonna be Minerva Jane? Curious minds wanna know.
Labels: forgiveness premature birth, preemie guilt, yoga brooklyn prema, yoga postnatal
posted by Minerva Jane at
3:51 PM
2 Comments:
Guilt is useless.
That is all.
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