Choosing Happiness
I got my period over the weekend--the first cycle since the miscarriage and for some reason that roller coaster of hormones combined with the generally overcast and cool weekend left me feeling more down and angry than I've felt since before I found out I was pregnant.

I felt deflated and so low I could barely get myself to do anything all day Saturday and Sunday except lounge on my sofa, watch reruns of Sopranos episodes, and monitor the unraveling of the events down at the YFZ Ranch in Western Texas. (Those who know me well know just how fascinated with religious cults... Don't worry I'll be posting all about that fiasco sometime in the next few weeks. )

On Monday, though, I emerged from my cave and looked around at suddenly blooming Brooklyn and thought to myself: What are you doing? Life is happening all around you and here you are, choosing to dwell on the things that make you sad, the things that didn't work out, the glass half empty. And so I decided that just for that one day I'd make a conscious effort not to focus on the negative but to choose--as if I were selecting wheat over white bread--the healthier option. And what do you know? By that evening I actually started to feel better, brighter, more enthusiastic about things. Now I'm not talking a 180 degree turn, but just a nudge.

Because things are good: I'm healthy. My husband is healthy. I make a good living doing what I always wanted to do: write. (Granted, I never really envisioned copywriting, but at least I'm not stuck in a cubicle doing something I hate.) And Spring is here. Glorious Spring and with it that feeling of escape, of freedom, of the possibility of renewal.

I see good things. Good things everywhere. Because that's what I choose to see...